Rubber+Band

You decide to go for the rubber band, thinking that the machete is too gruesome; besides, you only want a few seconds of time to grab Shakespeare, rescue him, and teleport him back to safety. Feeling a sense of importance and honor of becoming Shakespeare’s savior, you lunge in the vast, empty atmosphere in attempts to reach the rings of Saturn. You successfully make the jump in amazing, slow-motion, weightlessness. //Oh how this would be very convenient back on earth!// you thought, when images of high school basketball run through your head. It seemed like only a few seconds in time while you were standing there appreciating your exotic environment, as the loud wail of Shakespeare sprung you back to reality. The rubber band is only inches away as now you reach out and grab it. You wonder how must you shoot the rubber band to strategically hit Willy Wonka in his un-patched eye. Your fingers are trembling as you stretch the elastic and raise your palm to your face to get a better view of the direction the rubber band will be flung in. As you slowly release the rubber band from your sweaty fingers you hear a blood-curdling screech from behind when suddenly, out of no where comes a three-eyed, saber-toothed, saturanian tiger that jumps at you. To your horror, you realize that the rubber band has been released out of your grasp and is now flying in the opposite direction of your target. The evil tiger cracks a venomous, hoarse laugh as he circles around you. //This abnormal creature must be one of Willy Wonka's unusual discoveries//, you conclude. Your eyes never left the soaring rubber band as you realize where the rubber band is heading. The rubber band very skillfully hit the hand of the abandoned machete with enough force to leave it spinning in the air in uncontrolled speed. Just then, the machete sliced into a nearby purple cloud that was peacefully floating into the scene. This alters the perfect spin of the machete and flings it straight into the back of Willy Wonka. He lets out a rather girly scream, as his saturanian tiger roars in devastation at the sight of his new master's demise. You are horrified to now be labeled as a murderer, but the relief of knowing that you just saved Shakespeare, took over that horrific sensation. You approach Shakespeare and help him to his feet as he thanks you with the little energy he has left. You then hand him your literature book so you can teleport him back to his time. Unfortunately as Shakespeare accepted the book, you feel Willy's tiger inches above your head as you feel its nasty, warm breath on your back, and his slimy, green saliva oozing down your white shirt. Shakespeare is instantly teleported, as you are left stranded on Saturn, now inches away from a massive beast. Your brilliant mind froze and could no longer function, as suddenly a black helmet settled on your head, closing in tighter and tighter. The magnificent saber tooth was nearing in closer and closer to your neck, piercing the top layers of your skin. Blood squirts from the enlarging wound as you let out a final, muffled scream.